Tonight was one of those "I just should've stayed home" nights. It's a really ridiculous story that's not worth retyping here. I was too tired and cranky to hang out with a bunch of people with years of history between them and expect to feel included.
And I totally get that I spent years and years with people who were my friends. People with whom I had a shared history. And now I almost understand how, precisely, my camp stories with my camp friends bore and alienate other people.
And I am reminded of a certain ex-boyfriend who used to get, like, agitated about my friends and my camp stories and now that I am thinking about him and how he didn't really have any, like, friends-for-life back in Lexington and I am totally understanding the whole thing.
Except, I'd like to think that I manage to read the group well enough to remember the people who didn't go to summer camp within five minutes of the stories beginning... (I'm not going to pretend like I have ever NOT made a valiant effort to finish the story that I started two ice ages back, but whatever.) And I bottom line, I should have stayed home and gone to bed early and then I'd be less cranky.
So, I'm not even sure that what I am saying is making any sense, but I assure you the details are boring (gist: everyone else is from the same town. I am not. Shockingly, I am not feeling included in all aspects of the social dynamic.). And I guess this is one of those things that I was setting out to learn when I moved 2,000 miles from home. And I am not blaming anyone else, I mean, obviously the majority was having fun. Also, that wine is way up in my head now and the screen is blurry.
The good news is that I heard from ydelek and some things that had been hanging over my head for four and five years making me feel less than great have been resolved enough to give me peace of mind. And that is nice.
There are two other people in the world (so far as I am aware) who understand why this is at all a big deal, and one other who will recognize it, but there is now hope of my someday being reunited with a gift I lost at a confusing party at a confusing time in my life.
It's not great that my phone died mid-middle-of-the-night-phone-call. But tonight a tiny, tiny olive branch was extended to me through a friend and given the situation four plus years ago (if you're that interested, go read the archives, but I'm warning you that they are not pretty) being reunited with a lost "silver gift" (of sorts) is as much as I ever hoped for and it's really good.
