{ Friday, September 16, 2005 }


Recently, I realized that I haven't been this... normal? stable? drama-free?.... since before the fourth grade.

I picked fourth grade because that's the imfamous year that I spent some time every evening throwing a temper tantrum. I still don't know what I was so damn upset about. The things I remember about fourth grade, beyond the temper tantrums, are getting a bra and having mean teachers and one particular new friend. Puberty has been shown to lead to temper tantrums when combined with anything less than sunshine and rainbows and puppies and sometimes especially when combined with sunshine and rainbows and puppies...

So, fourth grade. I think that's about when my life officially became Really Full of Drama. And now? There just isn't any...

It's nice. Part of it has to do with a lack of boy-drama. There's been boy-drama on a near-daily basis since I was about fifteen.

I'd be dating two or three or however many boys and trying to keep them seperate (high school and college. For the record, that all took place before I ever had sex.). Then I picked one and we made each other miserable. Then there was Waste, I thought we got along so well, but really we were just bringing each other down. I followed that with a couple of years of guys who pushed me away all the time...

And there's really no drama here with Steady. It's very strange for me. He's super normal and well-adjusted and I think hanging out with someone super normal and well-adjusted every day is a big part of this normalcy...

Then there's the part where I've had the same job and worked continuously for more than a year. I've never done that before. There was the one job that I had for 18 months, but I had to take a short medical leave in right in the middle, giving me 4 weeks off to be poor and sick. And this is the first time that I've worked for a place that I knew to be financially solvent.

Speaking of that medical leave, the whole medical thing has calmed down as well. For awhile there, I'd lost all this weight (approximately 25 pounds less than I weigh now, and I am now a size 4 or so), and my hair fell out... Well, that all seems to have corrected itself. I'm at a healthy weight and my hair has grown back in and it's all very normal.

So, things are really normal and quiet and good here. Is it possible that my bad luck has finally worn off? It *has* been five years or so of it. I had to admit that it is strange, and I do feel like the other shoe is going to drop any day now. I mean, my life isn't supposed to be everything-is-just-fine-normal, is it?

I still don't like Arizona and I still don't have any real friends here. But I have more people to talk with at work and Steady has some friends and I've sort of adjusted to my friend-less state. And we're finally getting into the time of year when Arizona stops being so unfathomably hot and starts feeling more like a place where people should live...

Did adulthood just happen to me all the sudden? Is that what this is? I've read several times that adolscence really ends around the age of twenty-five. Is that what this is about?

Things are normal. Fine. Stable. Minimal drama here. And I think it's gonna stay that way for awhile. It's very very strange.

posted by mary ann 7:41 AM