{ Monday, June 27, 2005 }

The Weekend.

I went home this weekend.

I flew Southwest. For whatever reason, I chose to sit in the aisle next to two younger guys. They turned out to be eighteen year olds on their way to boot camp at Fort Knox. They were also travelling with the three people behind us.

I sat down and they asked how hot is was outside. (This was the second leg of their journey. They came from California.) I told them it was prolly in the low nineties and they were quite shocked. "This morning? When you drove here?" "Yes. It's been getting down to about 90* at night."

Then we quickly established that I was from Kentucky and live in Phoenix and that I travel "often" by airplane.

For the next four and a half hours, I was their tourguide. Every few moments, they'd want me to look out the window and approximate what state we were over, using the Southwest napkin as a visual aide.

The best part? Was that one guy knew some Japanese and two others were native Spanish speakers and the next thing I knew...

(Not in Indoor Voices)

KnowItAll: How do you say CUNT in Spanish?
SeatMate: What's a cunt?
KnowItAll: It's the worst name you can call a girl. It's the worst cuss word there is. There's nothing worse than saying cunt.
SeatMate: What does it mean?
KnowItAll: It means the... axe wound on a woman.
SeatMate: (tells us all how to say "cunt" in Spanish)
KnowItAll: (tells us all how to say "cunt" in Japanese)
Flight Attendant comes by to inform them that they are causing a disruption.

Then I landed and picked up my Kia Rio and headed on up to Cincinnati to Mom's house. We took a walking tour of her gardens, during which she let me know that she knew all my stories since she's been reading up around here (hi Mom!) and then we headed out to dinner with the stepfather.

Next up was the campfire at the summer camp where I used to work. It was strange. Back when I was a camper, the closing campfire was 5-10% marketing for the camp. By the time I was on staff, I'd take it up to a quarter. Now, it's, like, seventy percent heavy handed reminders that You Had the Best Time and You Are a Star and You Want to Come Back to Camp.

The place was the normal chaos, gossip and drama. It was wonderful to see my former campers all grown up and being counselors now, and to see my old coworkers who are still there and who were also back for the campfire. The highlight was, of course, getting to visit with the camp administrator, my hero.

Saturday morning came on early. I was up, showered, dressed and on the road by nine thirty. There was some initial confusion about where JV and I were meeting. He'd said McDonalds and then amended it to Cracker Barrel and I got stuck on the first one. I had a sundae and a cigarette and put on my make-up and then called and found out I was wrong.

JV and I had a lovely drive on down to Central Time. We brainstormed appropriate wedding reception conversation, because we both just open our mouths and say the damndest inappropriate things. We arrived at the wedding just as it was starting. The bride looked like a picture, the B&B was lovely, the air conditioning was divine and everyone was just as nice as could be.

We managed pretty well at polite conversation. We covered our major conversation points. ("I'm from Phoenix where it's hot!" "I'm from Calgary where it's cold!" "JV is on the UK Hockey team." "JV's allowing himself to be bitten by West Nile ridden mosquitoes for science and money." "We both have cats. Hers is mean and huge and his is tiny and mentally handicapped.")

Several people mistook us for a couple, including more than once a married one, which was strange, but understandable since we had rehearsed the banter and all.

Then on back to Eastern Time. We stopped in Central City and saw some of the ugliest humans around, and then spent a good ten or fifteen miles rehashing the bathrooms (the women's was super scary featuring a sign that read "Please do not put toilet paper in the toilet." and the mens wanted you to buy a "Freedom" nee French "Tickler")

We got back around eleven and off I went on the driving tour of my former homes. Not one light was on in any of them. Then I met up with Kristie, and we went downtown. Where I was hit on and followed around by the geekiest 34 year old man I've ever met. We escaped to a private concert in an art gallery. Then off to a friend of her boyfriend's where I fell asleep on the floor for an hour.

The next day I got up at noon when the phone rang. I went off to Georgetown and got myself some Skyline (3 way with black beans and rice instead of chili). Then down the backroads to Louisville, and back into the airport where I ran into an old friend from camp who had been at the campfire Friday night.

I landed around seven thirty pm, Steady picked me up. It was a very nice weekend.

posted by mary ann 9:29 PM