I AM SO SMART PAY ATTENTION TO ME I CAN TYPE LOOK!!!!!!!!!
HiHIhiHiHI! It's ME! ISIS THE MONSTER! The girl is writing her novelon the little computer. So I am using the big computer. Big Computer Big Monster. BIgBig BIG. I hate novels. Hate hate hate. They are the things that are on the bookshelf between me and the window. I have to knock them on the floor.
There is a big rock. Two big rocks. The big rocks make the bigg banging noises. Then the books go plunk plunk plunk. Then I can get in the window. I hate the novels.
I hate the girl's novel the most of them all. I can't knock it off the bookshelf to make her pay attention TO ME> MEMEMEM MEMEM ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I am typing! GIrl! Look! Typing! Type TYPE type! CAT at the keyboard! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I am a cat who can type!
She doesn't care. I hate that novel. I can't make it go away. I tried. I laid down on the little computer. She thought I was being nice, and she petted me. Then I bit her. And I made her whole novel disappear.
I said "Too bad. Let's play! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" but she yelled and screamed. Then I had to go otuside. When I came back, she ahd made the novel come back. I hate saved files. HATE HATE HATE the novel.
You should hate the novel too. It makes her not write here. It does too. I measn it. We all hate the novel together like the girl hates the election results. Together, we can change things and make her stop doing all that typings. I read it. It's not even good. Bad novel. Hate.
Do you know what that girl did to me before the novel took her away?> It was Halloween. And she went away. And she came back. And she went away. And she came back. And then she was doing things with the paper and the cutting things. I was paying attention because I like crafts. They are fun to eat. Eat the crafts! Bite bite BITE! Lanyard is the best for biting. Sometimes there are strings. Strings are fun to kill. DIE STRINGS!
I like crafts. But this was not a fun craft that I could kill and bite and kill. Thsi was a bad bad bad bad bad bad mean cradft.
Then she picked me up and set me on a box. She held the paper up to my side. And she SPRAYED BLACK PAINT ON ME. I was so angry. I made scary noises. They were good ones too. The girl opened the door and let me out really fast. I disappeared.
Then the girl went away. And I was outside. I do not like having a Halloween costume. If I was black, I bet she'd let me go out without one. Then since I was all dressed up for Halloween I decided to find out about trick-or-treat.
So, I went to Kitty's house. Kitty is black and he lives next-door. I am going to kill him. Kill! KillKILLkill Kitty! We have big fights. Kitty's man thinks it is funny. The girl does not.
But Kitty isn't the one from my big fight. I had a big fight. Fight fight FIGHT. I can't tell you who I fought with. It's a secret, because I lost. I came home and the girl was so worried about me. I was all covered in bite marks. I had to take two baths with the soap from the dishes. It kills germs. Kill kill kill.
I still got a sore paw. I had to stay inside. I knocked all the novels off the vookshelf. I didn't have to go see the VET because I almost got to kill her last time and I told the girl. I told her. I said "If you take me to the vet, I will humilate you and then kill the vet. kill kill kill. then I will bite your face." I didn't have to go after that.
I told her that too baout that boy. He still comes over.
There's a boy. A big mean boy. Do you know that there si a boy who comes over here? He does. I bite him. He lays in the bed and I bite him,. BITE bite HATEhateHate the boy.
He keeps trying to take the girl away from me, but I am her Monster and he is not. I tell him that. Then I bite him. He keeps coming back though. He leaves a warm spot on the bed that's better than the girl's. I like the warm spot.
One day he was here and he was on the floor because there are no couches here. I like couches. Couches are good for sleeping. THe girl used to have three couches. Where we used to live wit hteh grass. Now there are none. No couches. No grass/ I miss couches. I don't miss grass. It made my paws wet. Now the whole ground is a giant litterbox. I like that. He was on the floor and I was on the floor and I bit him. I bit him because he needs to die. More than the lizards and Princess THE DOG I want him to die.
I bet the girl didn't even tell you that Princess THE DOG moved! She did! I made her go away, but I didn't get to kill her and eat her face. HATE PRINCESS! She lives in another building now. I still can kill her. There's a new dog downstairs. I want to eat it. It is big and tastes better than Cat Chow. Eat Eat EAT the dog! And the boy! SO many things to KILL!
What? Oh. Halloween. I went to Kitty's hosue. I wanted to show him my costume and trick-or-treat. Then I wanted to kill him and eat his head. I climbed up the branch and onto the portch. I made a big jump. JUMP then I was on the porch. Kitty came out.
We had a big fight. fight fight fight. DieDieDIE> I WILL EAT YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!! Then Kitty's man came out to watch us. He laughed at my costume and I said "TRCIKTRICKTRICK GIVE ME A TREAT!" but he didn't understand. So I killed his arm. That's what you do at trick-or-treat.
I went inside the house. It was just like ours but not messy. Clean. I like clean houses. More room to chase and kill things. I decided I would stay awhile until Kitty was Dead.
Then the girl came back. I heard her. I said "HERE I AM AND I AM NOT LEAVING NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO." and she said "Monster, come here." and I said "I AM RIGHT HERE!" Then she came and tried to catch me.
I didn't let her though because I was not done playing. I still needed to eat Kitty's face. But the girl caught me and took me home. Now she ignores me to write her novel. I have to go BiteBITEbite her arms now. Because I love the girl. She needs someone to bite bite BITE her arms and tell her "NO MORE NOVEL> IT IS NOT GOOD> PAY ATTENTION TO THE MONSTER! I AM GOOD!" I am good. I eat all the food and I haven't left any lizard feet in the doorway in a long time. I always go in the litter. And I kill all the things that move. I am so good and I love the girl so much. That's why I have to type type type like she does for her webpage. Because I know the girl wants her web page to have lots of words. It's important. I hope I made enough words this time. Those are all my stories.
2003: "I need to go downstairs now and be closer to the kitchen. In theory this will help motivate me to cook some dinner." Basically, a To-Do list masquerading as an entry.
2002: "So, I was at his apartment and this is probably the single most uninteresting thing that happened there, so don't go thinking that I am single because I go on dates and the most notable thing that happens is that I take the boy's toilet apart." Hey! That date was with Paul. I have a link for him now, and a real first name. That's fun.
2001: I try very hard to think it's funny that my boyfriend smashed my computer all over the bedroom floor. Now I cry for that girl, and I can't read that entry.
