So, Kristie and I are both a little bit single these days. Our friends, bless them for trying, send single boys our way for what I'm going to call auditions.
Last night's was intended for Kristie. They'd met before, he was interested. She was not. She couldn't come up with a tactful and nice way to say "we're all exhausted here and really we were just going to bed. It's after ten o'clock."... So, she told the boy it was okay if he came over.
I was instructed going in not to leave them alone together. I came downstairs and he was seated next to her on a loveseat. She was looking uncomfortable. I wasn't 100% sure that the "please don't leave me alone with him" clause was still in effect. I made polite conversation with him, and then I was out of cigarettes and questions so I ran to the store.
When I came back it was more than apparent that we really both wished this boy would just leave already.
So, I went for the most boring line of conversation, ever. Furniture. I just babbled on and on and on about every piece of furniture in the house, every piece of furniture in my sister's apartment, the furniture in my grandmother's house, the furniture at Kristie's grandparents house, asking him about his furniture. I even asked him (I shit you not) about his chair at work.
He wouldn't leave. We had a moment of diversion when we found out that he and I used to be neighbors when we were very very small children. He used to live down the street from my father back when my parents were married. Have no fear, I recalled a couch in a front yard to talk about.
He would not leave. Kristie was sitting there doing her very best bump on a log routine, three quarters asleep on the couch. We were both staring at the clock. I was turning around to stare at the clock midsentence. She was yawning. I was telling him about the furniture he helped Ellie and her husband move and where it came from.
I kept thinking that at the very least he would want to get away from me. No, he finished his beer and just kept sitting there. Kristie wasn't talking to him, and I was doing my damnedest to bore him away. Finally, I just flat out said "Wow! It's really late. It's after midnight. We're up past our bedtimes." Half an hour (and four dressers) later, he was gone.
When he left, he sounded very serious and pointed as he told Kristie he would call her soon... We're a little afraid that while he'd really rather not ever talk to me again, he might think that Kristie would perk up if he took her out somewhere. She's about to get very very busy.
