{ Monday, March 31, 2003 }

Burnt Bridges.

I've had a bit of wine and no food today.

That's not entirely true. I ate 1/4 of a cheesecake. I am working on my fifth small glass of Strawberry Arbor Mist.

I opened a dialogue today that really speaks to the "pick at it til it bleeds" nature of my personality. I basically just totally pulled an Anita Liberty. Except, that this had nothing to do with any reconciliations. Just with dissecting my behaviour.

Really though, I had some questions I couldn't answer so I asked them of someone who could. It just sort of backfired a bit and left me sitting in the living room with printed out e mails, diagramming sentences, chain smoking and trying to determine just what's being said and what, if anything, may have caused a communication break-down. The reply just failed to answer my question is all.

Then while I was finishing up replying to that one (and my fourth glass of dinner-less wine), I got an e mail from NotBoyAnymore. My current conclusion is that the current girlfriend totally put words in his mouth. The last sentence was " I enjoyed our friendship but I must say farewell.". Really, he asked that we have nothing to do with eachother from here on out. I can deal with that. I wrote back all "You should've said something sooner. Point taken." and then blocked him on AIM.

For a seven sentence e mail, there was a lot in there that I could contest. However, that doesn't lend itself well to a goal of no contact. It really only occurs to me that he even exists when I see his name on AIM (RatRevenge) or if I happen to be in his area of Cincinnati. It occurs to be that he used to exist a lot more often than that, but in the present tense, not so much.

Why, hello, Bridge! Are you combustible? Let's find out, shall we?

I think I'm going to choose to regard all of this as spring cleaning. What gets to stay are the roommates and the cat. A short discussion this evening lead to the conclusion that we will be living together once our lease is up. Huge weight off my shoulders. Really.

One more thing that doesn't get to stay is the nail on that finger I broke at the end of the Ice Storm. It's growing out and I can see where the nail ends. It just stops in a jagged end at the nail bed. I can't wait to find out what happens to it next.

Ellie's reception is said to have gone off without a visible hitch. And the electric bill is paid enough that we can keep power for awhile and eat. Woo-hoo!

posted by mary ann 10:05 PM