I've been really busy. And not with interesting things.
For example today: I woke up at nine am. I straightened up my (clean) room. I made a to-do list. I took a shower and brushed my teeth and generally got prepared to interact with the world. Then I headed off to the dentist.
Last night I broke a tooth. While I was out to dinner with strangers. Even when I'm not saying embarassing things, I'm doing them. Can't take me anywhere.
So, the tooth can wait to be fixed. It was already broken, now it's just more broken. Anyway, it can wait til I can afford it. It's a molar. No one will ever know.
I came home and did my 2001 taxes. I'm due a refund. I know I'm a year late. But they're done now so spare me the lecture.
Then I did my FAFSA. I'm having troubles getting into school because my mother refuses to help me. You're like: help you mary ann? What else does she have to do, take the classes for you? Yeah I know. But I don't have her information for my FAFSA and I don't meet the established criteria for independence and blah blah blah.... it's extra complicated.
Then I planned my class schedule (as in, what *all* do I need and when *all* is it being offered because I know classes are prolly full) and did some basic correspondence stuff (e mail catch up, unemployement claim, etc).
Now I have to: go to school and argue with them some more about money. Then I have to get stamps and cigarettes and mail all this stuff off. Somewhere in there I have to eat lunch. And I have another appointment this afternoon but I am just going to have to blow it off.
So, in the long term, I need to finish getting enrolled in classes, get car insurance quotes, reschedule that appointment, get my financial situation all ironed out with school and my personal life, find a job, go to classes, buy books, clean the study and get my damned tooth fixed. I'd also like to schedule a hair cut in there somewhere.
I don't think I've been this busy in six months or more. Seriously. Between my friends and this school thing and trying to keep a clean house and find a job and take action about all the things that have me bogged down that I should've fixed months ago... I've been as busy and stressed out as a normal person.
But I am taking action and doing stuff and accomplishing things left and right and I am going to feel better about myself. I thought that writing all of this out was going to make me see how much I accomplished (when most days by now I could say "I e mailed my resume to five people and I brushed my teeth" by this time of day), but instead it just reinforces what a slacker I've been. I'm not going to beat myself up about it though. One thing at a time, right?
I think the key to all of this is going to be staying active. I think that if I can manage to be able to catalogue my accomplishments, it'll help. Like, I couldn't be working on that because I was busy doing this other very important productive thing. I think that's the path to not beating myself up about everything that needs to be done. Because I have to take action.
I know I said all of this six months ago when I wrecked my mother's car, but I let it slide a bit in the last couple of months... it's really easy to let the sheer volume of things to do overwhelm you and end up doing almost nothing. I can't say I am out of the funk so much as I can just say that I am forcing myself to behave as though I am out of the funk hoping that the rest will come together out of habit.
This isn't a New Year thing. This is a Long Overdue Thing.
