Last night... I wanted to eat starches. I was sitting on the couch with Ellie and I was suddenly hit with a serious craving for starch. Ellie suggested that I try her carrot sticks and ranch dressing, but I wanted real starch.
I walked into the kitchen and had an idea. Peanut butter, honey, banana, and raisins. And jelly. I realised that at my favorite restaurant in Cincinnati they had peanut butter plus three. But I thought I could do plus four. There I eat peanut butter, banana, granola and honey. Sometimes I switch the granola for apple.
Now, I ate this sandwhich on my first date with Waste. And I made an idiot of myself doing it. I had honey all over me. All over me. He laughed and laughed and I sat there helpless... I don't know what it is I keep doing wrong. And I believe that this is why so many sandwhiches come in wrappers that you peel while you eat. Other people drip too!!
But that was almost exactly three years ago. Surely in three years, I've learned how to eat a sandwhich. I put the bread in the toaster. I cut up the banana. I got the jelly and the honey and the raisins. This was going to be yummy. I made my sandwhich.
Everything went fine with the actual sandwhich making. It was the sandwhich eating where it all fell apart.
At one point, I had jelly inside my sweater. It wasn't actually on my arms, but somehow it was on the inside of my sweater. Ellie handed me a napkin and I shook the jelly out of my sleeve onto the napkin. Then she suggested that maybe it would be a good idea for me to get a plate, set down my sandwhich, wash off my arms and face and come back and eat over the plate.
She was right. Although when I was finished eating, I left my pants and sweater in the laundry room (they were soooo sticky) and I had to actually stand in the bathtub to wash my arms and legs and face.
I am slowly gaining more confidence in my cooking skills (not that anyone else is), but I'm not so sure I should be allowed to eat in front of other people. Or anywhere other than in the bathtub...
