{ Sunday, December 29, 2002 }

Today I don't like me...

I'm feeling inadequate today. No one worry about me, I have enough self-esteem that this can't possibly last.

For now though, I'm just the girl with the too-dark eyes in the frumpy sweater who has no job and no money and probably drinks too much and can't imagine why anyone would possibly want to read this crap and doesn't understand why her stomach refuses to co-operate and be flat and has no control over her emotions and can't have an interesting conversation and is just plain feeling inadequate. Yep, that's me.

It's a Sunday afternoon. Stretching on with no end in sight and nothing worth doing... It's a beautiful day. I almost want to go frisbee golfing. I'd like to find someone to go do some hiking with me in the gorge, but it's a Sunday afternoon and half the world is still out of town for the holidays... which fits well into the theme of today "Why my life sucks." except it misses the "because I suck" part.

Check back tomorrow, I'll probably be over it and think I'm cute and employable and fun and terribly funny and interesting again.

And if you want to read something well written by someone with those same personal esteem issues (who manages to get far enough out of the funk to make with the funny), I suggest you try the Redhead Papers. It's all waaay better than what I write.

I missed keledy because of freezing rain and not because she disappeared into cyberspace.

Speaking of people I miss, my dear friend, the green woman has been updating regularly. Everytime I talk to her I'm all "You have to be my long lost sister." except really she's just my camp girl. We lived together and she's always good for the giggles and snark. I wish she'd make it to Lexington before her big, long break is over. I need more in-person giggles and snark in my life. (not even one week home with my mother and I'm all Catholic Guilt From Your Camp Mom)

While we're talking about camp people who rock... go tell miss alice fiona that she ought to update more during her semester in Nepal because she's amazing and a semester in Nepal is amazing and we all need to live vicariously sometimes.

If you want to live vicariously, I want Lori-loo's life and writing skills. I also want ejshea's writing skills because I can totally relate to everything she has to say for herself and she's much better and making the thoughtful readable.

And someone has managed to single handedly explain why it is that when I look at everything I've written lately, I feel totally inadequate. Although pineapple girl did it awhile ago and she makes me feel better because she kept going.

And if you go and read all of those, and you still want to read anything I've written... then I have more merit (or you have more free time) than I previously believed possible. Thank you.

Ellie is home and apparently her wedding was just perfect. She and her new husband are so happy! What a great Christmas present for each of them....

posted by mary ann 12:15 PM