{ Tuesday, November 12, 2002 }

A New Member.

The We Hate mary ann Club appears to have a new member! And by the way he's going on he seems to be angling for president. Funny since he says he hates politicians. Really though, I think you have a good shot in the next election...

I know, I shouldn't provoke people like this, but whatever. This is fucking funny. Here are the basics if you don't want to read all of his archives... (and if you do, please bear in mind that 90% of what I haven't linked here is about his religion).

We went on a sort of date once. That's how I know him to say the things I said. On this date, he sat and failed to engage me in any actual conversation. I did my traditional stand-upish babble and he sat there and drank his beer. The only comments I remember him making were when I interrogated him about his car and several comments to the effect of "you're pretty". So, I opted not to see him again.

But he has a web journal. In which he was babbling about politics and how he doesn't understand them. As someone who likes to think she understands them, I sent him a couple e mails trying to explain and using my personal view point as examples. He mulled over them and responded to me (and the world), actually stating that, in his mind, his priest would regard me as "the evil one". I laughed very hard.

But that's politics. And I was just trying to explain my viewpoint. Which I feel that I have earned. I let the whole thing go. I understand that not everyone agrees about everything. Even things I feel strongly about. (Like whether or not they ought to like me for example. I strongly believe I am likeable. Not everyone agrees. That's part of being human, having the ability to preceive things your own way.)

He's spent some time whining about his troubles with women. Please note there are six links there from a one month period.

Initially I tried to help him. Even before the pseudo-date. He was whining and whining and whining that no one wants to date him. And that he can't bring himself to ask someone out. I gave the traditional pep talk with loaded questions to make him feel better about himself. Then I actually went out with him once. Once.

Okay, so the other night he sent me an instant message. And we were talking and he was whining about his girl troubles. And I decided that obviously he wanted to wallow in self-pity. So, I opted to help him with some contructive criticism. The vague whininess was annoying. Besides which, some of what he was saying was honestly true. I'll admit, I got a little cruel. I kept waiting for him to stand up for himself or something. No dice.

I explained to him that he was entirely too quiet the one time we went out and he failed to engage me in actual conversation at any point. He said people look at him like he's creepy. I said I could see how that might happen with his silence followed by compliments approach. He kept whining and so I just chimed in with my final thought on what's wrong with him. That being something he could see if he smiled in a mirror. He has bad teeth.

A low blow? A bit cruel? Yes. True? Also yes. I'm not perfect and no one is, but the least a person can be is self aware and self accepting. I know that people don't like me. That's fine. I know that my fingers are so crooked some people call them "gross". There's nothing I can do about that. I can understand how some people might find them gross. But they're my fingers and there's nothing to be done about them. So, I accept that some people will look at them and say "What is wrong with your hands?" and I will explain about the bone disease. That's it. Some people can't get over them, and that's rude on their part (and I am saying that the teeth thing was perhaps a lot rude on my part)... but that's their problem not mine. I don't think my hands are gross. I think my hands are quite useful. I just accept their opinion, roll my eyes, and move on with my life.

People need to learn how to handle criticism with grace and how to accept their own flaws.

So, this poor guy has spent the last several days apparently asking everyone he's ever known how to deal with some criticism. I can see asking to find out if it's founded. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I didn't spend a lot of quality time going "I'm fun right? Because Apathy Boy said I'm not fun". Apparently this all came at him out of left field (although for the record, I didn't initiate any of the comments except the whole teeth thing. He brought up the rest of it. I merely confirmed his suspicions.)

Meanwhile, he has been writing unkind things about me including:

I visited a couple from church last night to calm down, and my new friend made a lot of good points. Basically it has to do with the world view of these kind of people who cut others down like that. At a certain point you have to start acting like an adult, and people who choose to remain children long past the age of 21 should not say that those who have grown up have no personality. He then goes on to quote the Bible about the whole thing.

I've talked to some of my friends and they pretty much agree that mary ann has some serious issues and that she is mean. Actually that is a very self-censored summary of some of the things that have been said. It just seems odd that mary ann of all people would be criticizing someone's physical appearance because she herself should know how painful it is to be stigmatized. She is a very pretty girl, but she isn't pretty enough on the outside to be that ugly on the inside and it all come out to equal hot and sexy by any means. Then he goes on to try to blame all of this on what he's decided are my misconceptions about feminism

I told Chris about mary ann's comments when I called him last night. He said, "she's just not nice is she?" And another friend who I've known for a while, and who reads my blog, has rallied her support for me. Then he finally reaches the point at which he can joke about it.

I want to make a few things clear. I don't think 22 qualifies as "long past twenty-one", but whatever. Point taken, your friends thought that was mighty juvenile of me. Also, glad I could help you to further your ability to relate to your savior. Yep, you and Jesus are in the same boat. That was absolutely unintentional. (I feel compelled to quote my sister's summation of Jesus' life here "He was a bastard child of an unwed teenage mother who grew up to be a homeless, innocent victim of capital punishment")

Hee! I'm pretty! Thanks! Did I ever say that I wanted to be considered "hot" or "sexy"? Cause I don't. Cause I have enough trouble already. And I'd say I qualify for "cute" (not beautiful, hot or sexy). I can't stand and wait for a damned bus without becoming the victim of street harassment. And I'm not saying that I don't have days when I look in the mirror and I'm like "silly frizzy haired girl with no discernible eyelashes". You know what? I'm saving my manifesto on personal body issues for wam. Suffice it to say, I'm comfortable in my skin. And thanks for calling me pretty!

I wasn't trying to be hateful or mean. Okay, maybe by the end of the conversation I was annoyed enough that I was trying to be mean. I've already written about what feminism means to me.

As for the not nice thing... I don't know. I think it's like when I was getting evaluated when I was eighteen at the summer camp. My boss wrote "I wouldn't exactly call her attitude positive, but it doesn't seem to pose a problem. She's the world's most sarcastic cheerleader.". I think I am nice most of the time, but I can totally understand how people might think I'm a bitch. That's why I don't mind that I have an anti-fan club.

I just want to throw it out there that I think people need to take more control over their emotions. You choose to how you'll deal with things like criticism. Remember, it's a choice.

He's entitled to his opinion of me. But I figured with all the links he's sent my way that we must have some common readers at this point, and they might be interested in my thoughts on all of this. I think it's silly. I think it's funny. It's like watching a train while it's still wrecking and I have a front row seat. I can't wait to see what happens next.

And for the record, I also bothered to write all of this and link all of this because this is the first time that someone has apparently joined The We Hate mary ann Club and I could actually point specifically to why. You know, they don't invite me to their meetings or even let me read the minutes, so sometimes it's a mystery to me.

posted by mary ann 9:59 AM