{ Saturday, October 26, 2002 }

mary ann in high school.

I was a bitch in high school. I'm not saying that I am any less bitchy now. But I was a bitch in high school.

keledy and I hung out with a group of girls who were at once very prone to doing silly things and very dark.

There were these other girls. These girls who didn't seem to understand the importance of the polarity of the things. They wanted to be in on our jokes. They wanted to be in on our pain. But the didn't get it. They took the absurd stuff seriously and the pain with mocking. And they took the bitchiness we threw at them (openly mocking them) as part of the fun. Which it was for us. But it shouldn't have been for them.

I was mean to those girls. Openly mean. Refusing to tell them what was so funny. Because it couldn't be explained in a way that they would understand. It was funny because you had to be there and when we were there it was absolutely ridiculous. If you were there, it would have been funny but it wouldn't have been ridiculous because it would have been this great moment for you of when you were finally in and you wouldn't understand that it was just some stupid silly thing to giggle about. To you it would have been a big deal.

And then we mocked them for being unable to understand.

And they didn't get it. And I am pretty sure they still wouldn't.

Basically what I am saying is that we had groupies in high school. Really. Sad but true.

And maybe it's because we do get it. Maybe we attract these people because they want to understand the draw to the polarity. They're tired of the middle. But too often they can't understand what lies on the outside edges.

posted by mary ann 12:51 PM