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{ Monday, July 29, 2002 }

War on Slack

 
I have a new method of looking at the world. It may last awhile or perhaps until I wake up in the morning. We shall see.

There is a war going on... between productive mary and mary the girl of much slack. Productive mary is the good side.

The war has many fronts...

There's the domestic front where the laundry needs to be finished and the clean stuff needs to be put away and I could load the dishwasher again or pick up the cigarette celophanes from the coffee table or sweep the porch. To win this battle takes very little on a day to day basis. Load the dishwasher. Do a load of laundry. Cook something. Dust someth.ing. Take out the trash. You know. Domestic crap that needs to be done. One or two tasks per day and I think I can be satisfied with my progress on the domestic front.

Closely related to the domestic front, there's the moving and unpacking battle. The moving portion will be completely for better or worse on the thirty-first. Cause that's when I officially lose any control of my previous residence. All furniture must be moved by four pm tomorrow. That's when I have to go to Cincinnati to trade in the truck for her big ass car. I haven't quite worked out how I feel about that yet. The unpacking front... well, it could go on for quite some time.

Then there's the physical part. Get a hair cut. Put on clean clothes. Apply make up. Do some crunches. Go for a walk. Do some yoga. Actually cook and eat something remotely good for me. This battle is hard but crucial to my sense of personal well being. It gets neglected though because I just don't care. I mean, it's not like I care. It's just that on some level I do. It's simply a matter of getting up and doing those things. I feel better once they're done, but it seems like a silly chore... making myself feel pretty for no good reason. I need to do it though.

There's the battle of keeping myself mentally alert. This means not zoning out in front of the TV for endless hours. Reading anything counts. Writing in this blog counts. Watching educational TV not intended for small children counts. Somtimes talking to friends counts. The pull of the mindless entertainment and laying in my bed zoning out for hours is pretty strong. It's a hard battle but one I am more motivated to do something about.

The last big battle in the War on Slack is the financial and career front. It's a really important one. It involves not spending money. Making phone calls about student loans and credit card unemployment insurance. Looking for a job. Doing what has to be done to get the unemployment checks coming until I find a job.

So, how did today stack up? Let's see...

On the domestic front... I washed and replaced the couch covers. They really needed it. They were pretty gross. The big one hadn't been done since I got it for Christmas. I swear the house smells so much better now. Also helping the smell factor were the two dishwashers full of dishes that Emma and I did today. One even got put away. The ashtrays also got emptied. I can't clean out the sink though because whatever the hell is rotting in there makes me gag. I am absolutely certain I am not responsible for the curded milk (given that I don't consume milk) or the completely rotten strawberry (I haven't touched one). The molded coffee might be my fault. I swear we're not as gross as that sounds. I didn't put the rest of the dishes away. I did nothing for my bedrooim. I did wipe off all the counters though. So, I guess that counts for something.

On the moving front... I thought about it a lot. Does that count? No. Well, fuck. I started to go upstairs and change into moving clothes but then Apathy Boy couldn't help me and Emma offered to help me in the morning. Then I was going to move the rest of the non furniture, but it decided to pour down rain and I didn't want to move at night in the pouring rain. I didn't get the table off the porch. I failed, but I can explain the failure well.

On the physical front... I managed to get a hair cut today. It barely touches my shoulders and it's layered. It's cute. It still goes up into a ponytail and that's all that matters to me in the least. I also did crunches. And yoga. Not so good with nutrition. I mean, I ate a chocolate chip granola bar. Does that count? No. Well, then a mixed victory.

On the mental front... I read half a book Cherry. It's coming along well. I also wrote a bunch of stuff here. I stopped watching TV after As The World Turns was over. I didn't start watching TV until just before Bold and the Beautiful. That counts for something, right? I like to think so. I also learned all about the papacy from the friend of the previous entry.

On the financial/job front... I learned how much my employment benefit would be and can reconcile that to my life. I think I'll even manage to still be able to put into savings if I apply myself. I did buy expensive cigarettes. I got dressed in make up and a skirt and got a hair cut. That counts right? I mean, it was a step toward the actual job hunting. Cause now I have grown up hair or something. And I looked nice. Which is important when looking for a job. Yeah.

On the social front... I talked to Apathy Boy. He sorta explained about not calling. He was really quiet and I think my babble was unneccessarily awkward. The fact of the matter is though that I just don't have that much to say right now that's not sort of awkward because I am more or less doing nothing except being introspective these days and I haven't come to any startling conclusions. was Plus, that's really boring... I tried to engage him in conversation but he was really quiet. I've observed though that he only really get animated when going on rants. I adore the ranting. It's kinda pathetic, but it's true. I'm going to a wedding with him this weekend. I'll let y'all know how that goes. I again asked him if he's reading this. Not yet. Again I told him he's more than welcome to, but I'd like to know if he actually does. You know, just so I have all the information about just how vulnerable I've made myself.

So, that's the news from the battle fronts. Again, by tomorrow, I may have abandoned this new method of self discipline (which is what Apathy Boy suggested... that I am being entirely too hard on myself and perhaps I ought to learn to be capable of not having a useful purpose for some period of time. This why he's Apathy Boy and I'm waging a War on Slack). Reality is that it's more probable with tomorrow definitive goals -- must move all furniture by four pm. Must meet Mom for dinner and car switching by five thirty pm at a restaurant. -- I'll be all proud of myself and all that I've accomplished and I'll take Thursday off and Friday I'll have that wedding to do to and then it'll be the weekend and by Monday I will have forgotten all about this until someday when I'l trolling through the archives reminiscing that before I got laid off I used to be sane and see that abandoning this plan is really where it all fell apart.

posted by mary ann 10:16 PM


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