{ Thursday, May 16, 2002 }

How do my keys get under the fitted sheet?

Yesterday I would have stayed at work late. I was a slacker all day and didn't get much done, and I was late in the morning and blah blah blah I had things to do. Except that I had lost my keys. So I had to leave when everyone else did. The office does need to be locked afterall.

I got home and I wanted to check my mail. Too bad the mailbox key was also missing. On a completely different key set, but also missing. This is not good. I was determined to find these keys.

I began by cleaning off the kitchen table. It seemed likely to me that since I usually come in to the kitchen and both sets of keys had housekeys on them, I might've used them to get in and set them on the table instead of putting them back in my purse. Well, I got every surface in the kitchen cleaned off, but no keys.

Then I thought maybe they were somewhere near the caller-id box. Normally when I get home, I check that first. I cleaned the entire area around the telephone stand, including reorganizing the near-by bookshelf. No keys.

Okay, perhaps I went to the bathroom as soon as I got home and I set down the keys somewhere between here and there. Cleaned up the bathroom, cleaned up the dressers along the way. No keys.

Then I had a revelation! I went to the liquor store Monday when I got home to get a two liter (and to see if the cute boy was working) and I came in the front door! Oh, so at least one set of keys is prolly near the front door.

I cleaned off both end tables. I fixed the blankets on both couches. I rearranged a near-by bookshelf. Nope. No keys.

At this point I had reached mission status. I had to find at least one set of keys. It didn't help that I am out of fresh reading material and was really hoping that a magazine or something was in my mailbox. I resolved to clean up until either 8 PM or when both sets of keys emerged.

My house is so neat now. Well, except that the bedroom floor is still covered in clothes (but there's nothing in any of the pockets). There's nothing left behind the furniture, under the bed, on any shelves, that hasn't been removed, put away and dusted.

I found my work keys when I made the bed. They were under the fitted sheet and mattress pad on my bed. The mattress pad and the fitted sheet were both still attached to the bed. I have no earthly clue how they got like that. I am thinking either that happened when I stumbled home drunk Monday night or it's all the cat's fault.

Speaking of the cat, I found so many cat toys. I didn't realize how spoiled that creature really is. Dozens of furry mice were coming out. I found the green and white one (his favorite) under a couch cushion and we played fetch while I cleaned.

I also found a few dollars worth of change, several hair rubberbands, a mascara I thought was gone forever, a flip flop that I don't think I ever owned, and many many pieces of silverware. I am blaming the cat.

Eight PM came though and the mail box key was still not found. I made myself some dinner and at nine tuned in for the season finale of The Amazing Race. Wow. I was screaming at the TV so many times. It was kinda pathetic.

I went to bed before 12, glad I wouldn't have to report my work keys missing... but still wanting at my mail.

I found my mailbox key this morning in my bike bag. I got out my mail and there was a "mail to large for box" note. I completely forgot that I had ordered the Bad Teen Novel! I went and got it today during lunch. I am so excited....

So, now I can't decide if I should finish the great cleaning project I started last night. I mean, mission accomplished, I have all my keys again. But I did devote two hours to cleaning house last night and in two or three more hours I could have a genuinely clean house.

posted by mary ann 11:12 AM