{ Wednesday, April 12, 2006 }


Myspace has just brought, like, a bazillion old friends back into my life in some manner. It's neat and also nervewracking and strange. Are my messages too long? Am I replying too often?

Does anyone really care about my actual day-to-day life or should I just throw out what's useful for "I talked to Mary Ann awhile back. She's in Arizona with that cat and has a boyfriend and is [mention of what it is that I do at work here. The word "management" is involved. Blahblahblah]. She still has that blog"?

Have they been reading my blog all along? Am I repeating myself? Do I sound like I only have five good stories at any given time that aren't boring rants about my job? I probably do. Things are boring here. They're great and stable and that's novel for me, but it also makes for dull e mails.

I'm so socially awkward sometimes. And this is an extra strange situation... people who haven't seen me since some random party somewhere along the way when we were all more intoxicated than is reasonable and there are just these vague memories. People who fell off of my map.

And I don't even remember what all went down with some of them. Did we have a blow out? We had that one and then we sort of made up and then... Is he tangentally mad about that other fiasco? Did we just drift apart when I distanced myself from so much and so many people during those years when I was so obviously (and obliviously) depressed?

And what about asking after other friends that I don't speak to? We were such a close knit group... but then this and that and I don't really remember the details but it was ugly and maybe she remembers them and I'm dead to her and it's not right for me to put someone else in the middle...

But they're also people who were my best friends at some point. We shared these big crazy summers living and working together. And now we're almost strangers. Strangers who know each other's families and other friends...

And it's not like when you run into someone in the grocery store or an airport. Not that that isn't, like, my personal social nightmare. Someone sends you a message and then... there's no logical end. And I never know if there should be.

It's strange. That's pretty much it. But it's good to know what people are up to, and I definitely have missed my friends. And I am almost certain I am overthinking this... but...

Sometimes I hold onto people much too hard. And sometimes, I am a lot to deal with. And sometimes I miss the line.

And I'm someone who has always kept some friends around from at least the last phase or two I was in. And there aren't really any of those people around here. So, it's comforting to hear from folks.

I don't know... I'm definitely thinking too hard...

Let's talk about the garden. I am much less insecure about the garden.

After an entire winter of weekly waterings, the plants are about to go back up to being watered twice a day. Because it's dry and HOT outside all day long and I worry about them.

I'm not bringing them inside yet because I expected the vegetables to be dead by now. The cherry tomatoes have cooperated, but the others are still producing. I guess I could harvest the carrots at any time...

Most of my flowers have died because the extra watering just didn't come soon enough for them. The geranium, the edging flowers in the geranium pot and the flower from chris's wedding are still going strong.

Also, my boyfriend is not entirely thrilled about the prospect of bringing all of the plants inside. Part of it is that he's declared them to be "bug city", and part of it is that we're talking about a lot of plants.

And today I brought home another plant. One of my coworkers brought me an aloe plant. Wasn't that nice? It's in a cute pot and everything! That one came directly inside and will stay inside.

The others will have to wait at least until the air conditioning gets turned on. When it's too hot for me out there, then they can come in. Until then, I'm lugging water.

The Fine Print:
2005: The worst camping trip ever. Featuring a short list of ways I thought one of us might die while camping.

2004: No entry. I was interviewing here in Phoenix.

2003: "What? I hadn't talked to him in like three weeks. That's a long time. I do too have self control."

2002: There are several entries, all of which are short and none of which are worth linking to. Apparently, this was when I decided "I was cool for like a minute once when I was eighteen"... I stand by that statement.

2001: No entry. Things were less than fantastic. I think this was about when I became one of three people living in a one bedroom apartment. I was the one with the job.

posted by mary ann 11:17 PM