{ Sunday, July 31, 2005 }
The window vegetables are growing nicely. In fact, we have many many more sprouts that I thought we would. This may present a rather large logistical challenge in the near future when they have to be seperated and each given more space.

I am absurdly attached to them. I probably have walked over to the window fifteen times today just to look at them and say 'hi'. I might also pretend to nibble on the cat grass, hoping that the actual cat will get the idea soon.

Steady said no today to my proposal that we try to see if we can grow a watermelon inside the apartment. Apparently, the idea of a watermelon just growing along on the floor behind the couch didn't seem nearly as endlessly hilarious to him as it did to me. He vetoed it before I even found out if watermelon vines put down roots.

Today I planted some catnip in tiny little pots. I feel bad for the cat being inside all the time, and so I am growing him some plants to nibble on. (Steady also said no to my brilliant idea of buying some crickets at a bait shop -- I have no idea where I'd find such a thing here -- and releasing just one or two at a time into the apartment or even on the balcony for the cat to hunt and kill. I think this is because the cat mostly attempts to hunt and kill me and not him.)

Paul wrote in the comments:

" I went to my 10th and I couldn't believe how much anxiety and repressed bitterness simply vanished after the first ten minutes alone. Then again, that may have had something to do with the triple Martini I slammed immediately before going in.

Seriously, if you're really invited, I recommend going. The cliques will still be there but the snottiness and cattiness associated with those cliques will be gone. Mostly people will be genuinely happy to see each other."

And I started writing back in the comments and it was long and I decided just to make it part of this entry.

It's not the people that would make me nervous. Sure, they knew me when I was even more awkward and strange than I am now, but it was Geek School, it was mostly populated with the awkward and strange...

I think I still have scars from my high school experience. Not from the other kids. From the workload, the pressure, the teachers, the dress code, the rules, the all-consuming neurotic melodramatic whatever that seemed like the perfectly natural response to the teenaged experience. From all that "teach me goodness, discipline and knowledge" seemed to involve inflicting on really smart adolescents..

The other kids, the ones who made it through and weren't expelled for lack of goodness, discipline or knowledge, and who didn't cave in and transfer under the pressure, were my allies in the experience.

Facing that stuff is what, if anything, makes me nervous about the idea. ydelek and I have made a habit of going back there, late at night, in the snow, and running up to the doors and peering in on a less-than-annual basis.

And we giggle all the way up the stairs and all the way back down into the car. When we stand there and look in, we both mutter a few words and just stare at the entry way in silence. We survived that place. Would we ever consider sending a child there? Was the whole thing more positive or negative? We don't want to walk back in.

The reunion is not happening at the school...

I think ydelek and I have reached a "I'll go if you'll go, this could be a really entertaining adventure" point on this one. We are both considering it.

Yesterday Steady and I went shopping and he bought some shirts that fit. They make him look like he's lost 25 pounds. He wore one today, and I had to stare at him an awfully lot. I also may have felt compelled to chew on his arms some.

In other fasion news, today I wore capri pants in public for the first time. I don't think I'll do it again, actually. They're a pair of Steady's cast-off shorts that happen to come just below my knees. I picked them up and put them on as a joke, but he insisted that they looked nice and I should wear them, so I did. I think mostly he just told me that because he was anxious to actually leave and didn't want to wait while I found more acceptable pants.

That's all I've got for tonight. Things are quiet around here. I really have spent most of the weekend obsessing over my new little tiny plants.

posted by mary ann 8:52 PM