It goes... Why doesn't Mary Ann just go ahead and have a cup of coffee every morning?
It makes me a better employee and a much better human being. I am smarter, more motivated, more focused and more articulate. I return phone calls promptly. I have the information, all the information in the world, at the tip of my fingers. You should see how fast I am typing. It's like, as fast as I talk when I'm really going in for the rant.
Frankly, given the way my hands are shaking and my heart is thumping, perhaps half a small coffee from McDonald's is enough.
Coffee is legal, but seriously? I feel like I am on drugs. Good drugs, happy drugs, drugs that help me, but none-the-less, on drugs.
My mother used to drink, like, six cups of coffee a day when Shelly and I were under the age of five and she was waitressing. She said in hindsight maybe she was self-medicating for ADD. I think I understand exactly what she's saying.
I get addicted to caffeine so quickly. Seriously, if I drink one caffeinated beverage per day for three days, on the fourth and fifth days, I am the most miserable, exhausted, head-achey girl in the world. It makes me have to cry.
Yesterday at, like, three pm I had a small glass of coke. Maybe six ounces. I ended up at work until after seven pm because the jolt from the soda made me have to keep working. And then I came home and did two loads of laundry and went and got dinner and go go go.
Then this morning I was all caffeine hungover and had to have a cup on the way to work, because I remembered how great the afternoon felt when I was high.
But maybe this is like cigarettes. Maybe it's so good for my emotional well-being that I shouldn't entertain the notion of quitting. Although last time I got hooked on coffee, I ended up weighing twenty pounds less than I do now (and I am plenty skinny now, thanks), because I never ever stopped jumping around.
