"We're going to the creek so the gerbils can eat your pants." -- BB 1998
Hi! My name is mary ann and I had a Coca Cola at three pm. I will never sleep again!
6:20 Leave work
6:22 Count cigarettes. There are five.
6:55 Get off at the exit. Count cigarettes. There are three.
7:00 Arrive at home. Park. Grab cigarettes and purse.
7:01 Check mailbox. Get distracted by St Nick's presents from Mom
7:03 Finally make the damned door unlock, feed cat.
7:05 Where are my cigarettes?
7:08 Scream at nice people on Messenger about your missing cigarettes.
7:15 Where are my cigarettes? What am I going to do about dinner?
7:16 Bitch and moan and scream at your friends who are trying to talk to you about Catholicism and St Nick's Day.
7:17 Check car for cigarettes.
7:18-7:25 Whine some more about the missing cigarettes. Drink a Slim Fast while you whine.
7:25 Go root through trash next to the mailboxes in case they were accidentally thrown out.
7:30 Fuck this. I am going to go get cigarettes.
7:32 Make someone else decide where dinner will come from.
7:35 Get dinner at Taco Bell
7:37 Get cigarettes
7:40 Eat dinner
7:55 All full and bloated.
8:30 Finally get around to smoking one of those cigarettes.
Tonight, during the no-cigarettes-having portion of our evening, I had the funniest conversation ever. I will repost it for you. This might get a little confusing... but it's hilarious. To me. "the guy" is not what he was calling himself, but, you know, a little privacy for the mocked. Keep in mind that before I had the part of the conversation that I am posting, I had mentioned The Hitchhiker's Guide by its full name more than once.
mary ann says: jesus tap-dancing christ
CanadaDave says: I don't think he tap dances... More email?
mary ann says: instant messages.
mary ann says: from a guy who got THE QUESTION wrong
CanadaDave says: Oh my
mary ann says: he's trying to defend himself
Dave says: What's his defence?
the guy says: Well, I was just saying that there are quite a few other books that you can read
the guy says: and those still would not be the essence of the world to anyone
CanadaDave says: Does he really want to go out with you, or just not like being wrong?
the guy says: Where do you work by the way?
the guy says: Just curious
mary ann says: that's really none of your business
the guy says: Wow.. Am I bothering you?
mary ann says: a little bit, yes. i'm sorry, but look, i'm a big geek and the kind of geek i am is the kind who reads THHGTTG and if you haven't read it, i'm really not interested.
the guy says: Well lady.. if you feel you're a geek I have a PhD
the guy says: some gene sequence that makes sense to you.. doesnt really matter to a lot of common people
the guy says: You a biologist?
mary ann says: i'm not a biologist.
CanadaDave says: He really doesn't like being wrong
mary ann says: THHGTTG ~ a gene sequence. i love that!
CanadaDave says: omg...
The St Nick's presents... Apparently, we don't all know that St Nick is not Santa Claus. He comes on December 6 and leaves orange and nuts and candy and a toy in your shoes. Except, now he comes by mail to me.
Often St Nick is more thoughtful than Santa Claus in my case. This year he brought me: my first Christmas Card of the year, signed by my mother (the message: "Happy St Nick, Your Loving Mother, Mom"), twenty dollars, a "Wher' In Da Hell Is Rabbit Hash?" bumper sticker (which goes nicely with my vintage "Wher-N-Da-Hell's Rabbit Hash, Kaintuckee" one), and... and, AND...
A collage comprised of pictures of my cousins (and me and Shelly) sitting on our grandfather's lap (her father), Christmas 1984, his last, while he was being Santa Claus at the Country Club.
We all look so cute. Do little boys (and by "little" I mean ages four to ten) still wear suits and ties for Christmas parties? (Yes, mary ann, at the Country Club I'm sure they do.) What about little girls in little Christmas pinafores? (How old am I? A thousand?) We were all so darling.
In the center is a shot of several of us putting on a Christmas play (I think it's a Christmas play... It's clearly a Holiday Play.) We're wearing paper costumes. I am pretty sure it's from the last Christmas Grandma was alive (1997). I keep looking at all that hair I had then (it was really, really, long). It's pretty. I'm growing it back out, you know.
So, now I have to find a frame that's the right size for this. It's all scanned and printed onto paper. I suspect each of my cousins got one... or will get one... Then it will become my one and only holiday decoration in my office.
Wait, I already have one in my office. One lonely blue glass ball ornament hanging off an errant nail way up over my head just randomly on the wall. No one has noticed it yet. Or maybe they just don't know what to say.
Right now, the cat just siezed the chance to lay down in the middle of the blankets. I only moved for a second and now I am sentenced to being cold. Because I am a crazy lady who bows to her cat's every want. Mostly because I'm sort of afraid of him.
What else? Oh yes. Two more notes on online dating...
Last night I got into some sort of debate with some guy who was just dumbfounded that I don't get sports. I just don't. You do? That's cool. I don't.
He didn't understand what there was to enjoy about befriending people who like to read and have interesting conversations. I think I actually wrote that I make friends with people who "can keep up with and challenge me". He asked what the fun was in that. I declared "it's great fun. it's fun like a good game of scrabble."
That put him off for at least ten minutes.
And a final note before this mess flies out into the void...
The pictures these boys are sending me. My goodness! I don't know why they don't send ones where they look like normal people and not like drooling imbeciles. They're not smiling. Often they look very drunk. More than one was flanked by a clingy girl (or two). I never asked to see pictures. I'm not interested in what any of them look like yet...
And that would be "How I spent my evening: A random-assed journal entry brought to you by the horizonal rule."
The Fine Print:
2003: It's a place marker, this entry is. It's just there to remind me of the day I had that required me to drive all night two nights in a row. I wrote it at, like, five am. It's not really worth reading.