{ Tuesday, November 30, 2004 }

It's Like 100 Things. Only Drunk and Stupid


  1. The Novel Is Finished

  2. I had gin for dinner

  3. I have the most violent hiccups!

  4. I overslept this morning

  5. I need to go to bed

  6. [The first time #6 was blank]

  7. The cat thinks I need to get up and let him out

  8. I was sober when I broke my toes

  9. I was getting up to let him out at the time

  10. He is not going outside right now

  11. I am drunk

  12. My damned foot still hurts

  13. I can't go to sleep until I make these hiccups go away

  14. Seriously. They're overtaking my whole self

  15. I need to wash my hair in the most urgent way possible

  16. I don't think showering drunk is a good idea

  17. Drunk and barely able to walk is a worse idea

  18. Drunk, barely able to walk, hiccupping violently is not the formula for a good shower

  19. None-the-less I have got to wash my hair ASAFP

  20. My entire body is sore from the crutches

  21. I opted to limp today

  22. Broken toes make my coworkers nice to me

  23. It's almost worth it

  24. The company Holiday Party is this weekend

  25. I will not have gin for dinner that night

  26. I don't want to wear my gym shoes to the party

  27. Or my hiking boots

  28. I don't want to use crutches either

  29. Crutches and alcohol do not mix

  30. High heels only makes that idea worse

  31. I have to find new shoes

  32. And also maybe a dress

  33. Shopping is extra hard when you can't hardly walk

  34. I am making this list because I can't make paragraphs

  35. Also, because I have nothing worth mentioning really

  36. I am still hiccupping

  37. I think I've finally run out of things to say

  38. No. I was wrong

  39. That was like that Anita Liberty poem "Not Thinking Of You"

  40. Earlier I recited poems at Pratt while I drove home from work

  41. He pretended like that was interesting

  42. I did not recite anything by Anita Liberty

  43. But now I wish I had

  44. At Powell's, I went looking for another copy of How to Heal the Hurt by Hating because my copy went missing

  45. There's no one I especially need to hate right now

  46. But it's a good book to have handy, just in case

  47. They had a copy

  48. I didn't get it because there were people checking it out at the time

  49. You should really google that poem so you know what number 39 means

  50. I did advise them that it was a wonderful book that they should buy

  51. I don't normally talk to strangers at all ever

  52. But they needed to know how wonderful that book is

  53. It almost makes me wish I had someone I needed to hate until I was healed, just so I could love it as much as it potentially can be loved

  54. Someone ought to buy me a new copy of that book for Christmas

  55. I was going to water my spider plant today

  56. I forgot

  57. I keep forgetting

  58. I need a househusband

  59. He would help me remember to wash my hair before it slides off my head

  60. And water the spider plant

  61. (I can't water it right now because I am busy making this stupid list)

  62. He would also help me have more for dinner than gin

  63. I wouldn't abuse him. I just need help

  64. I would also like not sleeping alone

  65. I have to change the subject before I get maudlin

  66. I haven't hiccuped in a long time

  67. Maybe I should go to bed

  68. I'm going to try for thirty-two more things

  69. Can you believe that this journal-thing has been here for almost four years?

  70. I haven't ever done 100 things list

  71. I deleted the 2000 archive. It was very short

  72. I also deleted most of the 2001 archives

  73. This is a good, good thing

  74. They were like... well... like every bad livejournal ever

  75. Only I wasn't in high school

  76. I was twenty

  77. I was even out of college

  78. I could write a term paper, but I couldn't write a good journal entry

  79. Yes, I finished college before I could buy beer legally

  80. I even cohabitated before I could buy beer legally

  81. I was precocious

  82. And stupid

  83. But I still wrote really bad journal entries

  84. They were about being poor mostly

  85. And how Waste wouldn't get a job

  86. It was very pathetic

  87. And there were no capital letters

  88. So I deleted them

  89. I'm closing in on 100 things. I don't believe it.

  90. I can't find my lighter

  91. I lose it about a frillion times an evening

  92. I get distressed every single time

  93. I can only have one lighter at a time because otherwise I lose them and give up before they are found

  94. Today someone informed me that I "kicked" the table makes more sense that "I caught my foot on the edge of the table"

  95. I'm not usually that inarticulate

  96. I cannot believe you're reading this

  97. I am so boring

  98. Pratt's novel was the second NaNoWriMo effort I was fictionalized in

  99. I'm a character

  100. I really love a bad pun

  101. The End

That's what's happening right here right now.

posted by mary ann 10:55 PM