{ Thursday, February 26, 2004 }

The Time Off

This morning I bought cigarettes and I didn't get carded. Instead the woman said "You look about my daughter's age and she'll be nineteen soon." I told her I'll be 24 next month... thus causing the requisite "Be glad you look so young" speech.

That's about the most entertaining thing I have to tell you today. The rest of this is even more boring.

I'm still stressed out. Being unemployed is supposed to be about not being stressed out all the time, right?

I'm less stressed than I was. I mean, obviously, those ten or twelve or however many hours that I was spending being stressed at work and then the balance when I was being stressed out about work but not actually working, that's gone. I can't tell you how much better that is.

I'm not too worried about money yet. I'm a little bit concerned, but I'll find out the results of my unemployment claim soon and then we'll know how worried I am about money and getting a job and all that stuff.

Meanwhile, my house is still a mess. I haven't yet really, truly begun on the list of Things I Was Ignoring Because I Always Had to Work. It's a boring list, mostly consisting of ridiculous errands that I need to run that may or may not take an entire day, depending.

Yesterday I did that temporary labor testing thing. Word and Excel. I'm pleased to report that I got a 98% in Excel; I think anyone's allowed to miss one question. I only got an 86% in Word and I can't tell you how upset I am about that, because if I tried you'd all know what a truly neurotic perfectionist I really am. But, really, a "B" in Word? I think I can (and should) do better than that.

Moving on, there's not much else to report. I've been hanging out in front of the computer, fiddling with my resume and writing cover letters, reading a lot, and trying really, really hard to get motivated to do some housework and run those errands I've been putting off this last month. I haven't even managed to catch up on my soaps...

I'm that kind of person. The kind who just can't calm down completely. Or maybe I just lack the energy and motivation needed to manage to cross off all of those things I think I need to do. What would happen to me if my house was clean and all of the errands were taken care of and there was just nothing left nagging at me? What would I do?

I'm pretty sure I would find some other thing... if I lived in a clean house where I felt that I had taken an adequate role in making it clean, and I'd washed and put away all of my laundry (this is a dream world) and I didn't have anything left on the To Accomplish list and I had managed to get my act together to remember that I like watching Soap Operas and am interested to find out what's been going on while I've been away from them and then actually sit through some, I would find some other thing to feel inadequate about and nag myself over.

Or maybe the list has just always run that deep for the last nearly twenty-four years. Maybe I should hold out hope and go ahead and clean the house (I mean, regardless, I NEED to go ahead and clean this house) and do all these little things and think that somewhere there's a "caught up" point and once I get there, inertia will keep me caught up, and that little nagging voice in my head will stop and I'll find out what all those people are talking about when they suggest that perhaps I don't know how to go about relaxing properly.

I seriously doubt it'll happen though...

posted by mary ann 11:03 AM