{ Sunday, December 15, 2002 }

Look, She's neurotic!

I still can't share my big news because the next-of-kin haven't been notified yet (I swear, no one's dead).

Writer Guy came home. He doesn't know if he's going away for good yet. I got the impression that he'll know that on Wednesday or Thursday. Here's hoping he chooses to share that information. (I can say passive-aggressive). Seriously, I don't know what to do about that. I really don't.

Normal relationships don't end with a two weeks' notice at work now do they? If anyone can give me some guidance on just how exactly I am meant to handle this, I'd love it. Do you just break up when you learn that the end is nigh? If you don't, how exactly do you keep yourself from turning into a neurotic freak for those last two weeks? How am I supposed to handle this? Am I allowed to throw a temper tantrum? Am I supposed to be adult about this and claim to understand and have my temper tantrum privately? Am I supposed to see this thing out to the end and pretend like it's bitter-sweet and not just bitter? If he's leaving anyway, am I allowed to whine at him about my hunt for a date to my cousin's wedding in January? What exactly does one do in this situation? Emily Post never prepared me for this...

Last night my friend in Iowa called me and we were whining about boys. The gist of my whining was "I am presented with a nice, single, responsible, literate, employed, cute boy who actually seems to like me. On top of which, he's liberal and funny and fun. Do you understand? I want to hold his hand just as much as I want to fuck him! I barely get to know him and now I have to prepare myself for him to dump me to help at-risk youths! I've got nothing against him being happy and I've got nothing against at-risk youths and I get that they deserve help and I've got nothing against philanthropy and outreach and people relocating to do those things, but I hate the whole thing!"

That pretty much sums up my feelings on that one.

But I've been trying to offer even handed advice lately. Even though I have strong opinions on certain matters, twice today I have chosen to keep my mouth shut. It's a whole new world, kids. Seriously. I talked to Writer Guy and I didn't try to slant the scales in favor of "Fuck what makes you happy, I'm being selfish" and I managed to not push my thoughts on what the right thing to do was on someone else this afternoon too.

I'm letting my friends make their own decisions about their own lives. It's really hard.

posted by mary ann 10:49 PM