Things To Do At Work When You Hate Your Job and Are More Or Less Chained to the Phone
* Give yourself white out manicures.
* Realize that the white out manicure always comes out too bumpy and scrape it off.
* Give yourself white-out tape manicures.
* Scrape them off.
* Remove your contact, claim it fell off and waste five minutes in the bathroom putting it back in.
* Doodle with white out on colored post-it notes.
* Use tape to exfoliate your face.
* Call roommate and beg her to put the phone near the television during your soap.
* Color in all the boxes and images on the desk calendar.
* Reorganize the desk drawers.
* See how long you can pay attention to the seconds clicking by on the clock.
* Synchronize the telephone clock and the calculator clock. Think of how handy that will be when they go out to solve crimes at night when the office is closed. Imagine a whole cartoon based around this premise.
* See how fast you have to spin the rolodex to make something fly out.
* Use a paperclip to clean your ears.
* Arrange to play the hold music from the speaker on the telephone. Get very excited and turn it up loud when a really "great" easy listening song comes on.
* Wonder if the people responsible for selecting the hold music take requests and who you'd have to contact about that.
* Try to decipher a pattern in the hold music. Does it get peppy-er at lunchtime? Quieter in the morning?
* Attempt to use tape to make oragami.
* Create a series of drawings on post-it notes which attempt to abstractly express your wish to be anywhere else in the world.
* Create a series of drawings on post-it notes which attempt to abstractly express your desire for a cigarette.
* Envision a world in which you are a very respected corporate post-it note abstract artist.
* Using a stamp pad, spit and an eraser, upgrade from pencils to almost India Ink paintings which attempt to abstractly convey your desire to be smoking anywhere else in the world.
* Decide that the people constantly stealing your white-out are aware of just how much time you spend using it as a nail polish and art supply.
* Try to meditate. Get mad when the phone wrecks your concentration.
* Play with the calculator and your budget.
* Spin around a lot in your desk chair. Watch the calculator clock and see how long you can keep going.
* Examine your hair strand by strand for split ends. Cut off any you find.
* Attempt to create discernible images by dripping coffee on your post-it notes.
* Wonder how roommates feel about the fact that you bring home a million pieces of post it note art every evening.
* Realize that perhaps the world doesn't know just exactly how bored you are by your job and create a list like this to post on the internet.
That's what I do during the seven hours a day that I stare at the telephone.
