{ Sunday, October 20, 2002 }

Foul Mood.

I woke up this morning and thought all was well with me.

I had a very long, but still good, day yesterday.

I got right out bed. I loaded and turned on the dishwasher. I figured I would check my e mail, get dressed, go to get some smokes, and do some laundry before Gilmore Girls at one.

Turns out, you don't want to try to socialize with me today. I'm just not up for it. I started my period this morning and I guess I'm just ready to bite heads off.

I had fun last night. Went out to dinner with some sorority folks (including two nice husbands of sorority sisters). mary ann + group of people = talks too much. It's just that most of the people at the table were not people I knew very well. They were people I like. People I would gladly go out with anytime. To some degree, people who make me feel inadequate cause they're all so beautiful and sucessful and brilliant and driven and active and witty. And then there's me. "Hi, I'm late. I left my umbrella in your car. Everything that happens to me seems to end in drama. I'm unemployed. I'm single. Apparently I can't control my own hair and I suspect my little adventure in mascara is running down my face. My accessories don't match. And if I ask you to talk about yourself history says that I will pick the completely wrong subject. But I'm funny! And the drama in my life? Fun for everyone."

Right so I talked too much. That's my analysis. Either that or I kept the conversation flowing. I'm going to go with talks too much. Although when I got home and calmed the fuck down, I was trying to decide if I talked too much (I don't know why I subject myself to this sort of criticism. It can't be healthy.) and I could tell you some basic facts about what everyone else at the table has been up to. So, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Then I hung out here with some people. I thought I was going to go to a party with some other people, but instead I fell asleep before they even called. It had been a long day.

I felt like the phone was ringing so much last night while I was sleeping. I am waiting for someone else to wake up so I can find out if I just dreamt that the phone was ringing and ringing or if it really was. Of course, no one answered it, so it might be hard to tell. I guess I should go play the messages on the answering machine. I hate having an answering machine. I really hate it. It's too much responsibility for me. It makes it too easy for people to thrust things on me. "I called you. You never called me back"....

But the caller-id says my mom called while I was out to dinner. I wonder what she wanted.

Okay, I have to go get smokes now so I can listen to my messages.

posted by mary ann 8:12 AM